Yeah, We Got a Great Big Convoy, Ain't She a Beautiful Sight...

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” --George Carlin

I grew up in Hartley, a town with a couple of stop signs and a yellow blinking light. Then I moved to Dalhart, a town with several traffic lights and stop signs. I lived 4 blocks from work, and I would get irritated if I had to stop for more than 2 cars. Then I moved to San Marcos. Lawd help me. I had driven in many major cities across the country, but nothing can prepare you for the daily grind of interstate driving, especially that little bit of heaven known as “The Corridor”.  This is the area of IH-35 between Austin and San Antonio, and it is one interesting little stretch of blacktop. If it runs, it is on there. I have followed cars that the frame was so bent I could see both the front and back tires at once--AND they are going 80 mph!! I have seen cars missing the windshield. Duct tape is a common repair choice, and one of my favorites was a car with a flashlight duct taped to the bumper shining toward the license plate. I wonder how these cars pass inspection. (Haha, that's a good one! Inspection!)

When you drive down IH-35, you see all manner of scrapes, gouges, and skid marks on the road and concrete barriers, light poles sheared off, etc. I have always been curious about how these marks were made on roads. After a few years of driving here, I have a pretty good idea now.  I have seen texting, makeup application, eating, shaving, (faces, not legs—yet), and fighting.  You have the slow-pokes mixing it up with the speed demons. Add in trucks, buses, motorhomes, and some of the vehicles I mentioned above, and it is a recipe for disaster.

There are three lanes. Right hand lane is for getting off and on (60 mph), middle lane is for mid-speeds (70-75 mph), and the left lane is for passing (80++mph, just get the hell outta my way).  There are semis, buses, trucks, cars, trucks pulling cars…you get the idea. It’s like NASCAR, but there is no guarantee on their driving skills. Many times that C.W.McCall song “Convoy” comes to mind…

“Well we shot the line
And we went for broke
With a thousand screamin’ trucks
And eleven long-haired Friends of Jesus
In a chartreuse microbus…”

One thing I have learned: never trust that other guy’s knowledge about how to tie something down. I have seen some crazy stuff bouncing down the roadway! You will see a little of everything--furniture, tires, ladders, pallets, car seats, and the occasional bag of clothes or trash. But one of the most exciting ones was a laundry basket that appeared to be full of toiletries slid off the top of a load in a pickup—and they all just spread across the lanes like a wave. Deodorant, toilet paper, shampoo bottles…just fanned out in front of us. The other drivers just couldn’t seem to NOT try to avoid the stuff, and just begin to swerve like crazy! Running over the little tube of deodorant would do a lot less damage than hitting the car next to you, but it is just instinct to pull the wheel. My daughter Shana witnessed a couch landing right in front of her one day.  She was far enough back to avoid it, but she was surely excited when she got home. I have had many things flung at me, but one of the more memorable ones was a large chunk of asphalt-it luckily bounced off my windshield. Then, there are the really interesting things, like having the whole trailer come loose and go careening down the road, or dumping a full-sized tractor off the gooseneck. My last trip through Austin was the latter, took me 2 hours. Reducing three lanes to one, and feeding that off onto the shoulder tends to really cramp things up when you have the volume of vehicles that this interstate does. 

The plus side is I talk to Jesus a lot. I appreciate the drive on good traffic days. I appreciate the scenery on the bad traffic days. If the weather is good, I open the roof, turn up the music, and chill. If the weather is bad, I open the roof, turn on the a/c or heater, turn up the music and chill--because there is no use in getting your knickers in a knot. We manipulate our lives, pretending we are in control, and we ignore the fact that we really are not in control of a lot of things that happen. We can only control our response to it. As the old movie trailers used to tell us, “just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show”. 

"Cause we got a great big convoy 
Rockin' through the night. 
Yeah, we got a great big convoy, 
Ain't she a beautiful sight? 
Come on and join our convoy 
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way. 
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 
'Cross the U-S-A.

Convoy" 

Yep, you'll be singing that one for a couple of hours. 

(hee hee hee)  

Peace, friends.